Dying
Nobody ever got out of dying by being good.
- Format
- Single
- Genre
- pop ballad · dark indie pop
- Date
Lyrics
There's an argument in my head, been there since I was small
What I should do and what I shouldn't, and I took it for wisdom
Be good now, it says, and you get to live later
But I've been playing that game my whole life
And now, I'm done paying into a later no one's ever seen
When the voice turns up, my voice is louder
Today is mine, I'm reclaiming it while I've still got the breath to say it
Because nobody ever got out of dying by being good
And I'm dying either way
I've already tasted something like heaven
And I've done my time in hell
And both of them were here, while I was still breathing
So I can't tell what all this being holy is supposed to be buying
So I'm done paying into a later no one's ever seen
When the voice turns up, my voice is louder
Today is mine, I'm reclaiming it while I've still got the breath to say it
Because nobody ever got out of dying by being good
And I'm dying either way
Tonight I can hear the argument bubbling
A scared kid afraid of dying
Still sure that being good will make me the exception
But every promise it ever made came down to the same two words
Don't die
There are no exceptions, and nobody living knows what follows
And the voice knows least of all
The argument will be back tomorrow, it's had a lifetime of practice
But it doesn't get to call itself me anymore
And tonight that's enough
I'm dying either way
And I'm doing it on my own terms
My way, my life
No longer one of the living dead
I am alive
I am alive
I am here
I am free
I am alive
I am mine
I am alive
I am
The Story
In Stan Taylor’s The Black Book of Power, there’s a section on Ernest Becker, and I highlighted one sentence in it. It says your fear of death might be one more thing holding you in line.
I know the line it means. There’s an argument about good and evil that runs in my head, and it’s been running since I was a kid. I always took it for my conscience. Reading Becker, I heard it as old programming, a child’s way of trying not to die.
Society offers the same trade on a bigger scale. Sacrifice now and you’ll get to live later. Heaven is the carrot and hell is the stick. For me, heaven and hell are states of mind, and they’re both here now.
No one avoids death, however good they are. No one knows what happens when we die, and I don’t either.
When I see that, the argument loses some of its grip. I feel lighter, and I’m less willing to put my life off until later.
Deep Dive
Under the life you’ve built there’s a fear of becoming nothing. Ernest Becker called it the fear of death. Nisargadatta Maharaj heard it said out loud and answered, “Exactly.”
Credits
- Written, produced
- T.J. Kelley
- Voices
- Trevor Gram
- Label
- Thin Veil Records